The H Factor

You Don’t Understand Me - The Raconteurs, Consolers of the Lonely

Sat, 10 Apr 2010 12:47:58 +0000

Ah, Le Francais. Language of love, Eurovision and also French people. And Canadians, in an odd hanging-on-to-our-colonial-past-because-it-makes-us-more-interesting kind of way. I got an A in GCSE French, which clearly qualifies me to obtain directions to various high street establishments, purchase a kilo of peaches and a baguette filled with ham, or cheese or even (if I’m feeling really reckless) ham AND cheese, enquire as to whether my hotel room has a bath or shower, and procure a return to La Rochelle. Incidentally, I have no idea how to order a single to La Rochelle, but can’t think of any circumstances under which I might want to go to La Rochelle without wanting to leave almost immediately, so that’s OK.

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Knock You Down - Keri Hilson, In A Perfect World

Sat, 10 Apr 2010 10:52:29 +0000

I am skiing again. After 2008’s `hurrah my bonus has come in’ Christmas family trip to Austria, followed up by the 2009 `free work incentive, why the fuck not’ trip to France, I am once again back in France, this time on a `I don’t have a proper job’ budget trip with a group of friends. `Budget’ means a 14-hour epic road trip across France in a Ford C-Max full of other people’s vomiting children, and staying in a self-catering chalet rather than one where a tanned, hot 24-year-old chalet boy welcomes you every morning with a full English breakfast and a winning smile.

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Too Long - Daft Punk, Discovery

Mon, 15 Mar 2010 17:57:38 +0000

There are things that you assume, in these days of high speed on demand technology shiny whizziness, will happen quickly. In fact, so efficient is the worldwide superhighway of speed, you kind of expect stuff to happen pretty much immediately, if not before you even asked, or even thought of asking.

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We Made It – Busta Rhymes feat. Linkin Park

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 10:11:59 +0000

In 1983, my father purchased our first VHS video recorder. Actually, that’s a lie. He got it on HP from Radio Rentals, which is how one obtained appliances in those days because they were too expensive to buy outright. It was the size of a small suitcase, with enormous buttons which had to be depressed by about an inch, and tapes that were loaded into the top with the force of someone arming a nuclear missile.

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Frozen – Madonna, Celebration

Thu, 07 Jan 2010 18:33:55 +0000

I think it is only fitting that the winter I decide to live on a boat should be the coldest winter since woolly mammoths roamed the earth. It was inevitable when you think about it, which I do a great deal, mainly while I am chipping the ice off the inside of the windows.

So I realised that it’s been about two and a half months since I moved onto the boat, and it’s about two and a half months until I have to give it back. Which leads me to logically conclude that I am about half way through my boat-dwelling odyssey, which probably justifies an update of some kind.
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Speechless - Lady GaGa, The Fame Monster

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 19:20:39 +0000

So the Teenage Son and I recently went to see posh comedy chubbster Michael McIntyre in Cardiff. I bought him two tickets for his 17th birthday, assuming he would take a friend or potentially a girl (an idea which was met with a snort of disdain, this being apparently laughable), but he opted to take his old mum instead. I’d like to think this is because he and I have bonded over a mutual love of stand-up comedy, but I suspect it may have more to do with having a car full of petrol, £5.40 for the Severn bridge and the possibility that I might buy him dinner.
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You Know Me - Robbie Williams, Reality Killed The Video Star

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 11:42:23 +0000

I was round my mum’s the other day, and she gave me this year’s sheaf of 2009 newsletters for my reading pleasure. For those of you who are blessed enough not to receive these, they are hugely self-indulgent pages of personal news, typed up in the form of a letter and sneakily tucked inside your Christmas card by the smug middle classes, on the bizarre assumption that you will in some way give a monkey’s scrotum that their youngest son Matthew re-married in Barbados in May and it was a lovely day for all concerned. Seriously, who gives a shit? If you care that much, why wasn’t I invited? (more…)

Don’t Stop The Music - Rihanna, Good Girl Gone Bad

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 15:31:35 +0000

The philosopher Nietzche once said, “Without music, life would be a mistake”. Hmm. Clearly our existentialist friend never had to sit through a school concert.

The obsession of British schools for music lessons has always baffled me – I’m sure there is some deeply fascinating study somewhere that demonstrates how squeaking out a round of London’s Burning on the descant recorder improves co-ordination and concentration, as well as giving all the class dullards a chance to make up for their academic shortfalls, but still. What’s wrong with sticking them in the corner with a big pile of fuzzy felt and fishy glue? It’s safer than letting them run amok with a glockenspiel. (more…)

We Weren’t Born To Follow – Bon Jovi, The Circle

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:13:57 +0000

One of my favourite things about spending time in a strange city is wandering off and getting a bit lost, in the hope of adventure or magical discoveries. In my case, these excursions often end in crack dens and ghettos, but you have to persevere in the hope that one day you will turn a corner and find Jesus, or possibly a house that looks like a giant pineapple, thus guaranteeing a good story to tell when you get home.

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California Dreamin’ – The Mamas & The Papas

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 17:05:14 +0000

I am in America! And having a lovely time, since you ask. San Francisco is splendidly sunny and architecturally fabulous and quirky and full of some serious weirdos. I feel right at home.

This is only the second time I have been to the US on holiday – the first was in 2000 when I won two weeks at Disneyworld in Florida on a TV gameshow. I won’t tell you which one because I know that some of my readers work in telly and probably know the best people to sleep with to access the archive, and then probably also have a cool nephew/dealer who would show them how to turn on their expensive laptop and put it on YouTube.

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